Intentioned

I believe I've hit a plateau. 

I have dabbled in many different topics and categories in my previous posts to experiment and play around with what I like to post. That was all in hopes of discovering what it is that I really enjoy writing about so I can focus on it and keep that train going. However, it appears as if I have run out of steam (haha) because I am hardly any clearer on what I want to write about than when I first started The Lackadaisy. 

You know when you are trying to tie a bow with a piece of string or ribbon and the ends are just shy of meeting? That's how it's felt recently inside of my head when I've thought about what I want to post. 

Recently, I've been blessed with the presence of a lovely soul in my life by the name of Mariela. I will not go on about this fabulous gal but just know that she is really excellent and has an incredible heart/mind. Something she said has floated around and around in my head; the idea of being more intentioned is important. It's so silly that often it's the things you love the most that you procrastinate from or avoid doing. Which is precisely why I will continue to experiment and write and take photos to share and document thoughts and events. 

Don't run from things that make you and those around you happy. Sure, make lists but actually do the things on the lists too. Speaking of which, I am off to shower and head to uni. Keep ticking things off.

The Helpers

I've had a lot of time to reflect lately. It's been incredibly edifying deconstructing and reconstructing. It has also been slightly overwhelming trying to coherently collect thoughts to form a focused opinion. I am brimming with thoughts about the world and it's really, really great.

Last year during the HSC I didn't feel like I had any time to truly form human opinions. It's a slightly inane phenomenon but the whole ordeal was just so consuming. Maybe it wasn't really even that bad but when considering the leaps and bounds of this year, last year pales greatly in comparison.

The same sentiments were echoed all around us when we finished our exams and celebrated accordingly: "this is when your life really begins". Aside from being maybe faintly offended, we all simply smiled politely in response and that was all. Midway through this new year, however, I can truly attest the validity of that statement.

That's the thing about life. There is always hope. There are always opportunities. I have never realised this as much in my life as this present moment, as I sit here at 18 years of age. The problem with this blog post is that I cannot grab you by the shoulders, dear reader, and shake you with excitement about the prospect that life is FILLED with things to do, see, be, and love.

I have been resisting the urge in many places of late to throw up my arms and spin around because this world is beautiful and I am absolutely thrilled to be in it. There are sad things, and there are bad things, but to focus and dwell isn't the solution to these problems. Be the change you wish to see in the world. I believe in the power of each human to make a change. We can do 'bad', but we are much more capable of good.  I am aware the potential of naivety and cliché in puncturing this happy thought balloon is substantial, but yet it is not inevitable.

Food For Thought

My 19th birthday is coming up in less than a fortnight. I am both happy, and also really mildly terrified. Consequently, I am distracting myself with party inspiration and planning. Advanced apologies for defining superfluous with the number of food pictures there are - got totally carried away. Seriously, I had a lot of fun finding images and food ideas. Much more fun than I thought I would have had. I will probably do another one for decoration ideas. 

All images are sourced from Tumblr/Google - too many links, just know that none are my own.  

Humble Abode

A few days ago whilst tidying up my room I looked around, paused and then stopped cleaning. I went to grab my brother's camera (which I have yet to charge and give back from a few weeks ago, whoopsies) and then proceeded filmed random parts of my room to compile somewhat of a room tour video. It just happened. I was just itching to edit and to make something, I think.

However, straying from the YouTube beauty guru conventions of pristine and pretty rooms, I left tiny details of real life laying about. Because hey, I'm human, you're human, and we don't all have IKEA mock-up rooms.Whenever I text someone I always want to kind of know where they are so I can fit them visually in my mind so now, in the same way, you can imagine more accurately what I'm referring to when I talk about my room.

While there are still lots of things I want to chop and change and update and all that, there is clearly enough love for it as I decided I wanted you to see it. I hope you enjoy :-)

Wear Where

Last week, upon getting ready to go out with some friends to The Soda Factory for a cute lil' night of dancing and friendship, I finally struck gold. Metaphorical gold. You see, I have toyed with the idea of a see saw representing life at its best for me. A perfect equilibrium. This balance, I believe, I have finally arrived at by a bit of dumb luck and laziness.

This won't be the first time you will hear me say this because I believe in it so wholeheartedly: I firmly believe in the importance of carefully choosing what you adorn your body with. It affects not only how you look on an aesthetic level, but also how you feel in terms of comfort, confidence and self-expression.

What I hope to achieve here, is to share my happy little balanced outfit so that you may perhaps give getting dressed a little more thought, a little more love and consequently have a little more fun overall next time you get dressed and do life.

Head to toe, let's go.

For my hair, I left it down as it was still pretty fresh from being washed the night before and I enjoy the hair freedom when I dance and chat and laugh.

For my face, I've come to realise how eye makeup simply doesn't weigh out for me in terms of looks vs. effort of removing it before bed. My low-maintenance being can't even handle removing one product from my eyes, so I decided - perhaps a handful of liquid eyeliner smudged pillowcases too late - to forgo the liner this time and to simply fill in my brows and whack on my red lip.

For my jewellery, I wore possibly my favourite necklace - a dainty little silver circle necklace a surprise gift from the lovely Chanel. Presently, I am simply not a jewellery kind of girl. Interested, though.

For my top, I wore my black cropped turtle neck which is comfortable and 'warm'. Turtleneck means warm. Yes.

For my bottoms, I continued my abhorrence to pants and proper winter attire by donning this wonderful printed midi skirt (similar) gifted to me by my nearest and dearest soul sister Vanessa (because she/her mum accidentally bought two haha). The floaty pleating and slightly longer length made it ideal for feeling like an off-duty salsa dancer and a comfortable, covered up one at that. No flashing, no worries.

And finally, the shoes I chose were $10 lace up boots with a barely noticeable heel. I bought these beauties in a mysterious store in Chatswood Westfield that has since disappeared. Helpful. My skyscraper heels days are over I do feel. Similar to dyeing my hair and mosh pits at concerts, heels so heavily saturated the bulk of my teen years. Nowadays, comfort and practicality has lured me up and away from silly shoe choices.

The practicality of this rung true when my friend Andrew spun around after we just vexatiously jaywalked/ran past a taxi (it's awful, going to uni in the city has changed me. I'm trying to break the habit. Jaywalking is a no-no, kids) and said, 'Oh. You're cool. Not heels.' Turns out it crossed his mind when we were rushing off (to a whiskey bar, too cool these friends of mine, too cool) that I wouldn't be able to keep up because I'd be stupidly hobbling in some sky scraper shoes.

And there you have it - a happy, balanced outfit. Feel good in what you wear, both aesthetically and functionally.

Beholden, Be Golden

Lately I've been thinking about how little I want to do things when it's cold. The idea of my warm, comfortable bed and its plethora of cushions, blankets and love is often more than enough to make me question leaving the house even if it's thirty minutes before I have to be somewhere.

It's hard to explain how much colder I tend to get than most humans I know. But you know when it's several degrees too warm in a room and it's time to take a few layers off? That, with the layers on, is precisely what I find comfortable temperature-wise. It's weird, maybe I should look into it.* The point is sometimes I feel like I can't possibly handle any weather that isn't glaring sunshine and warmth. I've learned to shut up and to internalise a lot of my Cold Complaining but it's still there puncturing my plans and decisions, when it really shouldn't (90% of the time).

The thing is, though, upon reflection I am immensely blessed to live in a country where our winters allow us to do what you see in these photos. Quite literally, in the middle of winter, two of my friends and I spontaneously decided to go swimming and then spent the late afternoon playing around on the rocks until golden hour. That is barely winter by any worldly conventions, now is it?
It also begs the question: what am I even complaining about half the time with such a gorgeous place to call home?

Answer: Nothing really. I just shouldn't be complaining, there is nothing to complain about.

Also, a big thank you to the two beautiful ladies featured in the photos: Alex (the lovely brunette), and Amy (the glorious blonde). Initially, I had the intention of doing a very casual photoshoot thing with Amy not sure where or what, but last minute ocean plans solved those questions. The result was some lovely little snaps of summer in the winter feels. 

Unfortunately, I wasn't too familiar with the camera I was working with so I wasn't happy with a lot of the shots because of over exposure and general setting incompetency. But I do really enjoy the several that are above :-) thanks for being wonderful to photograph, you two.

Photo credit: Alex (thanks, chicka)

And finally, here's a photo I did not take but am in - reuniting with an old, watery friend. 

*I figure it has something to do with my low level of fitness. I'm working on it, I promise. One day I shall be able to circulate my own body appropriately. Dream big.

Relax

Luxuriate (v): enjoy (something) as a luxury; take self-indulgent delight in: she was luxuriating in a long bath.

In my last few years of living I've slowly come to realise that a peculiar phenomenon takes place inside of my head; I tend to underestimate the scale of activity on my plate. Consequently, I'm often caught in a paradox of wanting to relax yet feeling guilty for wanting to relax as I don't believe I've quite earned it.

I distinctly remember a journal entry of ten year old me complaining about the sheer amount of school homework, clarinet (short-lived, teacher was a monster) practice and tutoring work I had to do. To illustrate my younger self drew pictures of a clarinet, stacks of cartoon paper, and an amusingly disproportionate (or arguably metaphorically accurate) big-headed cartoon Nicole next to the diary entry.

Tack on approximately eight more years of life onto this version of myself and I appear to have done a complete 180 away from "oh woe is me, I have so much to do".  Now don't get me wrong, I do occasionally whine about how busy I am with church commitments, uni assignments and general existence but it's hardly ever my first instinct anymore. I consistently have to remind myself in an almost omniscient narration sort of way that the things I have done are a) extensive, b) productive, and consequently c) exhausting.

However, several weeks into my semester break, my general well-being - or lack thereof - started to do this narration for me. After quite a few weeks of being consistently on the go and therefore letting any and all healthy habits burn in the fire of extensive productivity, I started to genuinely struggle to get out of bed. The lack of sleep and meat that my body gets is a bit of a tightrope for my system already, let alone exacerbating any of that with irregular meals and consistent compromises. I consistently felt like there was a tiredness, a slightly numbing fog right behind my eyes in the middle of my head. Like when you first wake up but are not entirely awake just yet. Except this lethargy didn't go away as the day went on, instead it made me never want to leave my bed for activities aside from retrieving snacks or tea.

Following on from this realisation that my eighteen year old body was virtually running on about 30% battery every day was the first time, perhaps all year, where I really consciously looked after myself. Where I really let myself luxuriate. I restored good habits, did things for people around me, and probably most importantly I've learned to start saying no to certain commitments - simply because 'yes' is not necessarily always the most loving or practical answer.

The photo at the beginning of this post was taken after a fifteen hour day of being out and about from present hunting to tutoring to attending and photographing one of my best friends' 18th party. Even now I read that sentence and question whether or not that is even a tiring day, but my mind does recall the affirmative. While that was a really nice, productive day with good company, it's a good example of a full, brimming day.

This week, contrastingly, has been so relaxing despite me still chugging along productively, a happy human train. Today, for example has been hours of reading in the sunshine, about five cups of tea, warm lounge clothes, wholesome meals, and a bike ride to the park to read and to swing on a swing set while the sun set. Incredible. About a week post Realisation, I'm already back on my feet, filled with much more energy and a steady sense of contentment intermingled with gratefulness for how many blessings I truly have at my fingertips.

I highly implore you to let your body rest and seek some sunshine, good food and soul productive activity.* Trust me, your body will thank you.

*The following things fall under the Soul Productive category: things that make you happy, things that make people around you happy - in no particular order.