A List

(This post was started on Saturday morning)
I have been really inspired this morning by some sentiments shared by a few bloggers I follow and this is quite greatly out of my comfort zone and therefore precisely something I should do.

I've had a really, really long week. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted and my brain is in a complete tangle. Initially, I was planning to whack out a easy-going, thinking-free fashion post because I'm still goldilocks-ing my way through what I like to write about but I decided against that, at least for this morning. I'm going to instead talk about me. Me in the purest sense.

Last night, before leading youth, Amelia and I met up just to catch up and spend time with one another. I ended up just talking more than I really had all week. The whole day yesterday I was craving a good talk with a close friend. So by the end of the day I guess it had really built up because I just didn't shut up. Thank you for listening, dear Amelia. Anyway, we got on the topic of being refined through the fires and both agreed that we feel like we're still in the flames. I know that I've changed a lot since the beginning of the year or from last year but a) I'm not sure exactly how and b) I'm not sure I necessarily feel 'refined' or even if I like this new self.

However, I do feel like with 'growing up' it's pretty non-refundable. You can't exchange, you can't refund. You might as well find ways to enjoy this new thing. That's basically my explanation for this list I'm about to do. This list of things I have found myself to be like innately and things I enjoy about who I am.

A LIST

1. Resulting from a combination of finishing school and becoming veg, my cooking has actually become pretty sufficient. I genuinely never, ever thought this would happen. This was validated the few times I've cooked for the fam (heavy veg-emphasis, one meal even completely veg) and they all actually loved it. I've even baked recently! I baked. For the first time in years and years and years. I had so much fun doing so that I was actually a bit confused. 
   
2. I now make a fairly conscious effort to keep looking for and collecting music, especially now that I have Spotify. Bus trips, short walks (long walks I prefer diegetic), cooking, blogging, living. 
3. I like my sense of humour. Even when other people don't understand, I still personally find some (most) things I say funny and I think that's a handy thing if you're constantly spouting fairly absurd quips around people you're not familiar with. 
4. While a big, exhausted part of me is constantly frustrated with how clumsy I am it does provide a source of entertainment to both myself and my nearest and dearest friends and family. 
5. I've learnt to be more assertive and speak my mind after swinging from one extreme when I was younger of being blatantly rude to completely euphemised and way too timid a few years on to a steady assertion nowadays. 
6. This one is undecided but I will choose to look at it in a good light. I believe in, and act accordingly, to the idea of wearing my heart on my sleeve. If I feel a certain way about someone, I will openly express it. This may be seen as 'courageous' and 'carpe diem' but it might actually sometimes be more clever to just shush. The bitterness that can ensue is something that makes me question the productivity of this trait.
7. I'm dealing so much more. Dealing with people, bad feelings, getting through long days. Things that may not be hard for the general public but can sometimes feel like climbing mountains for me. I feel like my endurance is seriously benefiting. There was one day recently where I genuinely could not stomach the idea of even getting out of bed let alone going to all of my classes 9am-4pm and then leading youth group until 9.30pm. I was proud of myself even if it sounds hardly monumental. 
8.